What they really mean…

In my previous job (No names will be published to protect the innocent -ME!!), just after I started a takeover was announced. During the takeover process some phrases where constantly used by senior management.

This post is a guide to these common phrases and what they really mean…

1. Business as usual – We have no idea what is going on, but it will be fair to say there will be wholesale changes to the business and massive job cuts (Except in management)

2. Opportunities for growth within the new amalgamated company – now that this new company has taken us over, staff will be able to access a whole new lot of shitty meaningless jobs without any real prospects of progression.

3. Our most important asset is you, the staff – senior management will be taking every opportunity to make sure their roles are safe and wherever possible at a higher salary.

4. We have identified a number of synergies to be gained – we see that a lot of people in your company have similar jobs to those in ours. We can recommend you to a few job seeker websites, but I would hurry as there are a lot of you.

5. We will communicate things to all affected staff as soon as they come to hand – we are going to actual release very little information at all. We will set up a bogus email facility whereby staff can ask questions of senior management. These staff emails will be disregarded and we will make up our own questions to ensure only good stuff is given to you. Any info we give you will be at least two weeks out of date.

If you have any further suggestions, I would love for you to submit them for all to read

Dave